My heart
Beats
Beat
Beated
Let it beat
Again cause
It fell apart
A while back
And I've tried to
Fix it
Fix it from becoming
An empty space
To fill
I've filled it up
I've taped it up
I've left it up
For grabs and
It's still here
In my chest
Beating and
Beating a little less
I can feel blood
Passing in slower
And slower
Where did my circulation
Go?
How do I find a
Way to pump it
All back in
Life dissappearing
Beating inside
But wishing to find
Something that will
Keep it going again
My heart beats
It beats for you
And I can't stop it
Hard as I try

Just come through the doors
And take me away
I don't want to think
I don't want to be
This anymore
If I sound dead
That's cause
I am
I won't
Pretend I'm fine
I don't want to see
I don't want to feel
So won't you come up
And come through my broken
Doors
Wow I sound like a silly girl

SCREAM
DROWN MY FRUSTRATIONS
WATCH THEM DIE
RUN DOWN THE RIVER
KICK THEM DOWN
DIE COME ALIVE
HOW MANY LIVE DO
THEY GOT

Mmmmm I feel
So good
I'm not smiling
But everything
Feels good
I don't know how
To explain it
But it just does
Maybe I'm growing
Up and I don't even
Realize it
Hahaha
Wow it feels good
Just to be alive

Time and rhythms
Keep tapping
On my mind
Wake up
Wake up
Wake up
Look up
Look up
Look up
Stop dreaming
Stop dreaming
Stop dreaming
You're losing
You're losing
You're losing
Take this advice
And shut up
For once
Selfish child
Brat tendencies
Time and rhythms
From the past
Remind me
It's gone
It's gone
It's gone
Move on
Move on
Move on
It's old
It's old
It's old
Don't dwell
Don't dwell
Don't dwell
Take this advice
For you grow
Older with every
Minute that passes
Time and rhythms
Keep playing this
Song all day long
Running me down
Breaking me down
But I keep singing
To time and rhythms

Beat beat
This heart
Flees along
The water
Frozen
From the sky
Above
What will it do
Where will it go
Hide hide
This heart
Tucks underneath
Muscles and bones
Waiting for it to be
Safe again
Jump jump
Into the dark
And let it flow
As it floats
To its own beat

I'm going to be ok
But I still feel like
It's not over
Friends
Or something
More
Time can only
Tell
I'm glad nothing
Got fucked
Up cause that
Would have truly
Broken my heart

I hate not having a car
I hate this distance
I hate this
I hate that we can't
Meet
I hate that this is
All playing out
Through technology
I hate that I can't
See your face
I hate that I
Still don't know you
And you still don't
Know

Underneath
Masks painted
On and covering
Up
There’s a girl
Afraid to let
It be seen
True identity
Doesn’t seem
To exist anymore
Where anyone can
Be anyone beside
Themselves

Pure attraction
Has got me playing
With how far I’ll go
I’m not sure if I
Can stop myself
With you
Sexual frustration is
Some scary shit
Fatal attraction
I think I just might
Give in

In camera’s lens
We become
Beauties
Or is it just
Sex puppies
For his attention
Just give him a call
As long as he’s got
A body shot
He’ll ring you back
Want to feel loved
Take off your bra
Want to feel pretty
Take off your knickers
Print
Send
And you’ll have a guy
In no time

I want to scream
I’m becoming something
I’m not
My feelings feel like
Robotic mechanics
Designed to keep me
In line
And so I walk in straight
Lines
I’ve given in to the media
And all its temptations
Look this way
Think less
Sex more
I want to scream
And see who will
Come
The cops or my boy
When will my cash
Turn into happiness
When will my love
Be with me
Instead of just inside me
I want to scream
But they seem like
Small whispers
Compared to the rest
Of the world
And so I’ll bake a cake
Hoping that pretending
There’s a smile on
My face will fix
Everything

Sleeping way too much
Just so I don’t have to
Think
Dreams don’t come
To me in my sleep
I love that
I never have to interpret
Anything
Sleeping I feel nothing
But the pillow
Under me
Blankets under and on top
Of me
I reach out just to pull
Them in a bit closer
Sleeping just so my heart
Can beat a bit slower
My brain recharging
Sleeping
I wish I could sleep all
The time
And miss all this shit

I can see through
Excuses
I can see through
Lies
I can see through
Facades
I can see through
Your eyes
I can see through
Words
I can see through
Jokes
I can see through
You
I can see through
Me
I can see through
Walls

What I said was
True
None of it was
Shit
I was thinking
Of you
I was trying to
Stop
But I couldn’t
And
Now I want to
Stop
Cause I see you
Aren’t
Worth it
Cause it’s just not
Working out
And I’m almost
Gone
What I said was
True
It’s been up to
You
Let me just pass
By
I know you’ll let
Me
Slip right out of
Your hands
So I’m gone
Bye

A keyboard
Made to help
Play music
From the heart
A keyboard
Made to help
The soul
Say things
It can’t speak
A keyboard
Made to help
The mind
Send its thoughts
Now all we need
Is a keyboard
For the eyes
To send messages
Straight from
Sight

Tears won’t
Help mend
Anything
That we’ve
Said
So why don’t
You stop
Shedding a
Mini sea
And try looking
For land

I’m no fool
I know not to
Be waiting
On you
Don’t worry
I won’t make
That mistake
Again
I’m going to
Be realistic

Well well
Feels like
A weight
Has been
Lifted off
My chest
I feel like
I can breath
Again

I’m not
So afraid
Anymore
Even though
It was over
The words
Of a phone’s
Keyboard
Couldn’t I believe
My own actions
With my eyes
But I’ve got the
Text to prove it
Lol and jk’s
All night long
I’m not
So afraid
But my hopes
Aren’t set
On phone
Conversations
Forever

I said it
I said it
Finally
I said it
And it
Wasn’t
As bad
As I
Thought
I would
Be
I’m glad
Because
If I hadn’t
I would
Have never
Know what
Could have
Happened

Chances aren’t
Drops off the
Edge
They’re leaps
Of fate that
Can carry you
Off to
Places you
Would have
Never imagined

I’m silly for believing
That magic
Happens without
Any sight and sound
Silent conversations
Can only be so much
But they cannot replace
Pulses of warmth
And glowing skin

I feel high
Higher now that
I’m starting to set
You free from me
I’ve been holding
On to the ground
For too long

My heart feels free
Free from what
I’ve been holding
On to for too long
I don’t care how
This turns out anymore
I just needed to say it
I need to set the truth
Free

Crazy that I’ve been
Hiding this for so long
I haven’t seen you
In a while
But I can’t lie to myself
Anymore
So if what I said
Scares you just a bit
Don’t be afraid to tell me so
I’m stronger than you may think

Conversations
That I have
Been running
Through my
Head over
And over again
It’s hard to sort
Out what I should
Say and what I want
To say

Laying in my bed
I wish you were
Here to hold me
Instead of this
Stale air
Why did I have
To fall for you
My empty bed
To catch me
Instead of you
Sheets wrapped
Around me
Instead of your
Warm arms
I just knew
I was dreaming
When I saw you
But that dream
Would never
Come true

You came in
You broke
Me again
My walls
Were never
Strong enough
For you
I put complete
Trust in you
When I knew
You wouldn’t
Come through
In the way
I wanted
You to
I broke my own
Heart by lettingYou come inside

Word for word
I hold my tongue
What I’ve been
Trying to say
Has gotten stuck
Underneath my
Rib cage
My heart
Pounding on it
Tapping on it
As my blood
Rushes around
It
I’m afraid if
I let this out
My body
Will retaliate
Word for word
I’ll just write it
Down

Just a name
So she can
Be real to me
So I know
Who you
Want to be
With
And when
She’s with
You I hope
She treats you
Well
Because you
Deserve the best
You deserve it all

Hurts
It hurts
Hearts
Hurt

I need to speak
Clear my head
But nothing’s
Coming out
Gasps of old
Breath linger
In my throat
Held still by
Frozen muscles
Shocked into
Their current
Form
I need to clear
The past and see
A clean new
Future where my
Thoughts are
Free from This confinement

Heart beats
To this heat
I wish I could
Slow it down
Racing
And bumping
Into the rhythms
Of the souls
Sounds
Yearning to
Break free
From confining
Skin easily
Broken with
Knives
Let it out
Let it out
The music
Pushing against
Me
To come out

Swimming
I’m drowning
In what makes
Me human
Bobbing up
And down
Under blankets
Of old feelings
Trying to breath
In new ones
But my lungs
Fill with past
Regrets
Words to oldTo remember

They say
You calling
Means all
The best
For me
That you
Got to
Like me
To want
To talk
To me
Now I
Just want
To know
Why
Did you
Call if you
Had no intention
Of calling again
Then why did
You
No one made
You dial
My number
You must have
Wanted to hear
My voice
Are you
Scared of
Hurting my
Feelings or
Something
Please don’t
Try to spare
Me
I’m a big girl
And I know
How to take
Care of myself
I just want
You to stop calling
Don’t ever call
Again

I knew the rules
I knew the game
I still played
I still believed
I had I chance
At winning
I had everything
In but I couldn’t
Even see that
You had put barely
In anything
I got caught up
In the rush
Of the high
Stakes
The prize
At the end
That wasn’t
Mine to win

New lights
Underneath
Me
Illuminating
Me
I want to
Cry
I want to
Fall
Into something
Real
No more
Fluorescent
Lights shinning
In my eyes
Melting my
Brain to
The inside
Of my skull
Here I lay
Tied down
By the laws
Of the materialistic
Look this way
Talk in this voice
Keep your IQ down
And your breast up
My hair's not perfect
My body's thick & curvy
Sorry
But these bright lights
Won't change a thing
So get of my ass
And think about
Actually growing one

All talk
There's
Nothing
To do
Fucked
Up
And I
Still insist
That it's
Not a lie
Deep down
I know
I was right
About all
This shit
I put myself
Through hell
No one dragged
Me in
And I told
Myself it was
Worth it
That if I fought
I would get you
But I'm all
Talk
And you're all
Shit
And even as I
Say it
I know I'm
All talk

I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
So why can't
I stop thinking
About you??!!
Why do I want
To see you??!!
How can you
Make me so
Crazy
Inside when
You haven't
Said anything
About what
We are?
We're friends
I tell myself
Over and over
We're friends
So stop calling
Stop it!!
I know you know
That I've got a thing
For you
So tell me
Just tell me
What you want
So that I can
Truly hate you!!!

It's all a game
I put in my
Bet
You raised
It high
And now I'm
All in
But I'm not easily
Fooled I know
Someone's
Going to lose
So what's it
Going to be
You still in?

Ground broken
I look for the road
I left so long ago
Hard hearts
Dried tears
It's hard to see
Where I'm going
Everything fell
Inbetween the
Cracks that spread
All over my life
Pictures whole
And suns coming
Down on me
Rain pours somewhere
Else but I can still
Smell it
Maybe it will
Be hard in the beginning
Maybe I have
To walk all over
To finally see
Where I need to go
Who I need to meet
Who I need to say
Goodbye to
And who I will
See again someday
Maybe this roads not
So broken
Not so new

Friends
I'm patient
In waiting for
A return
I thought
Falling
Could be so easy
Wouldn't hurt
If I knew I was
Ready
But it's a slow fall
Not a fast one
That I need to
Jump into
So I'm here
Learning
And giving a little
At a time
And hopefully
You notice
I'm not rushing
Anything at all
Cause if it could
Last longer than
I night
I'm willing to
Stay for that

Life is life
Already
Set in its
Ways
So trying
To change
It to yours
Will only make
You feel
Like life
Won't ever
Change
Try tweaking
Your vision
Maybe how
You try to
Make everything
Your way
Be firm
But don't
Live life
Expecting
Everyone
And everything
To be for you!!

It's about time
I make you mine
But shit oh shit
You haven't got
The time
Well fuck
Proper ways
I want you
Anyways

Dirty
Dirty
Dirty
Mind
I want
It now
I want
You
Baby
But you
Haven't
Even said
You like
Me
And I
Haven't
Said anything
Either
Maybe I
Will just
To hear
That you
Want me
Now too

What do
I want
What the
Hell do
I want!!!
I don't know
I think
I want him
But do I
I think
I want
Psych
But do I
I think
I want
This or
That
But do I
Shit
Just when
I think
I've got
It down
What the
Fuck
Do I want!!!

I can
Waste
My time
Here
Not making
A dime
I can
Waste
My time
Here
Thinking about
You
And never
Do anything
About it
I can
Waste
My time
Dreaming
Of becoming
Who I want
To be
I can
Waste
My time
Sitting
Writing
Ryhmes
I can
Waste
My time
I can
Use
My time
I can
I can

It's all here
In my head
Trapped
Trying to
Pry beyond
The walls
Of my mind
Yelling
Screaming
It's hard
For me
To let it
Flow pass
My teeth
They clench
Tightly
My tounge
Blocking
Creating a
Massive wave
Of pink
My words
Caught up
In a storm
In my mouth
My face trying
To hide my
Attempts at
Being truthful
When it comes
To matters of
The heart
I just can't
Seem to say
What I want

I'm afraid
I'm tired
I'm bored
I'm impatient
I'm loose
I'm tight
I'm lost
I'm found
I'm lost
I'm tricked
I'm tricking
I'm tripping
I'm falling
I'm standing
I'm losing
I'm bound
I'm free
I'm sick
I'm well
I'm walking
I'm still
I'm trying
I'm lazy
I'm looking
I'm blind
I'm sure
I'm doubtful
I'm a walking
Contradiction
I'm a walking
Puzzle
I'm broken
I'm fixed
I'm me
But who
Am I?

Pride it will
Eat you up
It will leave
You lonely
Pride it will
Tear you
Apart as you
Watch others
Pass by
Happy and
Smiling
Pride it will
Be better
For me
If I have none
Because 19
Years has
Shown
Its destruction

I hear
Nothing
I feel
Everything
So much
I can't
Tell it
All apart
Where am
I going
Where did
You go
Why did
God give
Me this
Curse of
Dreaming
Because none
Of it
Ever comes
True
And when
I try
To make
Them come
True
They always
Seem to
Slip away

Silent words
Whispered
Text
Back and forth
Got the guts
To tell
You in person
How you make
My heart
Stutter
But when will
You appear
So I can show
You I'm not
As shy as
You imagine
Soundless
Conversations
And two phone
Calls where
Nothing was the
Topic of our minds
So much more to
Say
To see
But I can't paint
A picture through
The phone
Better to come to
Me and just see
Maybe I'm being
A little pushy
But I've never taken
A chance
A stance
And I've never
Wanted anything
More than
To hear you voice
Mingle with mine
Until we are silent
For being far to
Busy with something
Else

It flows like
Words
Said
Hours ago
Remebering
Listening
Hearing
Maybe
Comprehending
But not
Fully getting
The picture
A smudged attempt
At piecing
Together small
Clues
Like those bread
Crumbs Hanzel
Couldn't find
In the dark
A flow
Of mishap
Taken for granted
Cause it was
In those mistakes
You learned
For another day
You'd find your
Rythm again
Flowing in
The wind

I love
A challenge
I think that's
Why I like you
So much
You're a puzzle
I haven't solved
Yet
My mind
Is always racing
About you
And as long
As I'm not
Bored
I'll keep
You in my
Heart

You say
You're too
Much
For me
To handle
I tell you
I'm like no
Other girl
And our little
Merry-go
Round
Spins faster
Lifting us off
The ground
I told you
I always take
Too much
You asked
What makes me
So different
I guess
You'll just have
To come and see

Shit
Damn
I think
About you
When I should
Be doing
Other things
I wait for you
To call
I wait for you
But what am I
Doing?
I can do everything
On my own
I'm not a child
I'm a grown
And should know
Better
But you make
Me feel this
Way
I wish you would
Just carry me away

My impatient
Nerves get the
Better of me
I should slow down
Realize things take
Time
Just enough time
Cause if I let
You slip away
Again
I'll never forgive
Myself

I've got this
Tingle
In my stomach
I've got this
Smile
Spread across
My face
I've got this
Thought
That you like
Me
I like you too
I've got this
Nagging voice
Telling me it's
Not true
But I've got
This drive
To make you mine
No matter what
I have to do
Cause I've got
This feeling
It's meant to be
Me and you

I like you
Man
I like you
Boy
I like you
Guy
I like you
Male
I like you
Macho
I like you
Tough guy
I like you
Teddy bear
I like you
All of you
Please say
You like all
Of me too

Check me out
Check out myself
Check this song
Check this heart
Check that light
Check my bank account
Check my hair
Check my words
Check your phone
Check up on me
I'll check up on you

Tingle
Tangle
Tango
Tangerine
Tantalizing
Tasteful
Tease
Torture
Taunting
Terrified
Thoughtful
Thoughtless
Thoughts
Things
Thongs
Thick
Thin
Thread
Talking
Taking
Tempting
Tapping
Tipping
Too tough
Too tender
Twisted
Tathered
Topless
Tied together
Tight trousers
Ta da Ta da

I'm thinking
I'm crazy
I'm thinking
I'm in love
I'm thinking
I'm niave
I'm thinking
You like me
I'm thinking
This isn't real
I'm thinking
I need money
I'm thinking
I'll never be
Able to live
So I've got
To do it now
I'm thinking
I love my family
But they drive
Me insane
I'm thinking
Of you again
I'm thinking
I'll never find
A job
I'm thinking
About everything
I'm thinking
Of you and I can't
Stop
I can't stop
Thinking
It's all I do
When I get
Caught up in
You
I'm thinking
I think to much

Heated
Mind
Heated
Bed
Heated
Phone
Heated
Thoughts
Heated
About you
Heated
Sun
Heated
Pants
Damn heated
Underpants
Heated
Hotter
Hotter
Every second
Heated
Heated
I think
I'm done

What to
Do
I can't
Forget you
What to
Do
We aren't
On the same
Page
What to
Do
I'm falling
Hard
For someone
Who doesn't
Fall at all
If you are
Say something
Please say anything
So we aren't
Hurting anyone's
Hearts

I worry
I wonder
I stumble
I fall
Hard
Every time
What the
Hell can
I do
When I
Listen
I hear
I pick
Up the
Phone and
It's you
On the other
End
How could
I ever pretend
To not
Be in a
Mess with
You
The only problem
Is I don't
Think
No I know
You don't
Worry
Wonder
Stumble
And fall
Hard every
Time I call

Work
Work
I play
Play
Waiting
For party
Boy to
Come around
Work
Work
Money
Money
Selling my
Blood to
Get closer
To the ones
I love
Hahahaha
Work
Working
To get you
Near me
But you're
Debating
Fighting
Wondering
If I'm worth
The time
I'm working
Working hard
To let you
Know my
Hearts the best
And its all
For you
You've just got
To work a little
Work
Work
For what I'm
Gonna give out

The chance
I take
The leaps
I bounce
The lives
I meet
And touch
Somehow
The life
I lead
And how
To decide
Whats right
And wrong
The times
I live in
And being
Different
From them all
I'll never
Know until
I fly
But how I
Choose to
Make the
Jump
Is all my own
The heart
I listen to
Is never wrong
So I'm going
To jump

Smash Smash
Crush Crush
Bricks
From fallen
Walls
Smash Smash
All the
Red words
They spewed
Crush Crush
Tired looks
Tired lines
Smash Smash
Hateful thoughts
Burnt skin
Crush Crush
Old memories
Old faces
Smash Smash
Everything I
Thought
Crush Crush
Everything I
Believed
For so long
Smash Smash
The monster
Within
Crush Crush
And never
Look back
Smash Smash
Just Dust
In the past
Crush Crush

Its so wrong
Of me
To think of
You when
I should move
On
Steamy and
Dreamy I
Lay waiting
For you to
Call
Waiting for
You to care
And I know
I can't break
This spell
Alone

Hahahah
I don't want
You in my
Belly
Get in
My pants!

Words sound
The same
When they
Come out
Of my head
I read what
I write
And it all
Sounds dumb
In a funk
Without any
Spunk
I guess I should
Put down the pen
And pick up a sword

Stuck
Between
A rock
And you
Man you've
Got a strong
Hold
And I don't
Know what to
Do
It's so easy
To let you
Hold me up
I can pretend
That we are
Something more
When you talk
Sweet in my ear
But maybe
I'm imaging again
I'm known to do
That
But this rock is
Hard and rigid
And your soft
And familiar
How do I get
Out when I all
I want to do
Is let you hold
Me
That is if you
Ever wanted to

High
Hopes
Wish washy
Dreams
They floated
Right down
That river
I didn't cry
For you
And if this
Is all true
Then why
Can't I stop
Thinking of
You
Seeing you
Everywhere
I go
Hearing your
Name anywhere
I am
Let's just
Make it clear
That I still
Like you
But I'll
Just pretend
Like we
Aren't friends

What's that
Funny smell
In my water
Bottle?
What's the
Name of
That kid
I'd fallen
For?
What's for
Dinner
Tonight?
What's the
Name of
This song?
What's up
With him?
What's up
With me?
Why do
I have to
Pee every
10 minutes?
What's going
To keep
Me busy?
Why can't
I just let
Go and
Stop dreaming
Of you?
Hahah why
Can't I stop
Asking so
Many questions?
Why can't I
Just unwind
And live my
Life?
But seriously
What is that smell
In my water bottle?

Bored
So bored
Cleaned
The kitchen
Then I went
On the
Computer
I'm still
Bored
I think
I'll clean our
Bathroom...
Something
Just growled
At me
I think I'll
Just leave
That dirty
For now

Hahaha
I can't
Help laughing
At all I've
Said
All I wished
And now that it
Is gone
I'll know
Better for
Another day
I'll remember
How I loved
Everything
But me
How long
It took
Me to open
My eyes
And see
I'ld been driving
Blind
How I thought
Life and Love
Hated me
But I really
Hated them
How I just
Ran every time
I saw a feeling
Coming into
My heart
How I lived in
Books so I
Could escape
Cause I could
Never get hurt
Inside their world
How I looked at the
Sky and wished
I could fly
But I never tried
But I'm going to
Try everyday
Until I get it right
Or die ;)

Life's not
So bad
When you
Realize
What you've
Got
It was
Never lost
You just
Couldn't
See it
For a
While
And now
That it's
Back in
View
You know
You were
A fool
For believing
You were
All alone
It's like
Those hills
On that
Road you
Took to
Avoid traffic
For a
While you
Can't see
What's coming
But it
Reappears
All in good
Time

In my hands
I never had
I almost did
But I let go
Afraid of
What it was
Always running
Never looking
At what I had
All along
Why did I
Give it all
Away
So that I
Could always
Say I've never
Known
Blame it on
Fate
And not my
Own
How did I
Let myself
Live without
Ever living
I must
I will
Push through
All my bull shit
Excuses
Because nothing
Hurts more
Than never
Knowing
How it could
Have been

If I know
You're no
Good
Then why
Do I still
Let you
Creep
In like
Some kind
Of snake
Tempting
Me to eat
The forbidden
Apple
You'll never
Be mine
I'll never
Be yours
And still
I lay
Awake
Hoping
You come
In and take
Me
Silly dreams
From silly
Girls
I'm sad
And self-pity
Never sat
Well with
Me
But letting
Go was
Always hard
Too
I've got to
Let go
Because I
Know you're
No good

Is it
So hard
To find
What you're
Looking for?
When you
Don't even
Know what
You're looking
For?
How about
When you
Know what
It is
But it
Won't let
You find
It?
Not even
Give you
A hint?
I just
Think that
Things should
Tell you
Why they
Run and
Hide, right?

It is sad
To say
You are
The heat
Inbetween
My thighs
You are
The rush
Of blood
Through
My veins
You are
The touch
I feel when
I am alone
You are
The beat
Of my heart
When it is
Still and hard
You are the
Pulse I feel
Down where
No one has
Been
And most of
All you are
The rip in
My heart
Where I thought
You would mend
And heal my
Broken heart
But you just looked
And ran
That is sad to say
I'm sad to say it
To know it

For three
Days
Three whole
Days
You were in
Me like
Poison
Working its
Way through
Me
Numb and hard
To breathe
But I didn't
Read the signs
I was having
To much fun
Thinking how
You'd save me
From being
Alone
But I didn't see
You were leaving
Me more and more
Each day
Until I looked around
And you were gone
That was when the
Poison took a crack
At my heart
Rushing in
To kill
I fell hard
I didn't know
What hit me
But I knew you
Were gone
And I finally saw
When someone bites
You
They don't just want
Your blood
The want your
Life

Was it wrong
To wish
You would
Just come
Over me
And take me
In like the
Air you breathe
Come so close
And let your
Body touch
Mine
Until
We became one
And in my dreams
How I knew
I wouldn't say
Stop
I wouldn't push
You away
But only pull
In closer
Pull you right
In
Because I've
Been yearning
For you
And when this
Dream is over
I hope I don't
Remember it
Like a nightmare

Here I am
Again
Holding on
To the ground
As you twirl
Around
Trying to pick
Me up and carry
Me off
Throwing me
Around
And dumping me
So I won't
Be found
I'm stuck no
Matter where
I go

Like candy
So sweet
Lucious and
Delcious in
My mouth
Then sour
quite tangy
Adventrous
I like it
So I don't
Spit it out
Then bitter
So bitter
Not a drop
Of sugar
In it
Oh how it
Changed
This candy
In my mouth
In just a few
Seconds

It was easy
To see
This could
Never be
But I
Ignored
Every sign
That warned
Me
Now I'm here
With all the
Flashing lights
Covered in wounds
I know will
Heal
Just wish I knew
How to say no
To you
So this didn't
Happen everytime
You tried to
Swoon me

My heart
Feels small
Compared to
It all
And when
I try to make
It bigger
It is just
Crushed
Down
Into compact
Size
The smaller
I let it get
The less
I feel
So numb
That I don't
Even cry
When I stub
My toe
I should have
Never let
You hold
My heart

So now
Have we
Disappeared
Into the photos
We've sent
Cause now
You aren't curious
You aren't in the
Dark
About what it
Looked like
Real mature
Real damn mature
Pussy ass bitch
I can't believe
I fell for you
Again

Put my brain
In a jar
Put my heart
On a shelf
Turn my pulse
On low
Let the blood
From my body
Drain down
The street
It will be easier
This way
So I don't have to
Think about you
So I don't have to
Feel how you hold
My heart
So I don't get
Excited when you call
So I don't feed you
Anymore of my blood

What is
Immaturity?
What is
this circle
We seem
To be
Going in?
Maybe
I'm getting
Dizzy
Seeing double
So I can't
See you're
Playing with
Me
So I can't
See you're
You just want
Something
A little less
Than what
I want
I don't think
You're ready
To take care
Of me
Your heart
Isn't where
Mine is
And I am finding
It hard to let
Go
Stop spinning
And just
Walk away

Two steps forward
Three back
One step to the right
Four to the left
Oh how I want you
But you twirl me
Around and I'm
Not tracing our
Steps
Not leaving bread
Crumbs to
Find my way back
But I can't help
Feel swept away
My heart beats
To the song we
Sway too
You pull me in
With that devilish
Smile
Whisper you want
Me to show you
My stars
And foolishly I
Ponder for a minute
Thinking I'm brave
If I shine for you
But then I remember
I'm not easy
And in this dance
I am the lady
So treat me that way

Late night
Late talk
May not
Be the best
For some reason
The moon
Makes me loony
I give more
Than I am taking
But I don't seem to
Notice
This game we play
In the dark
Who is in the lead
You or me?
Cause I can't see

Platonic
Was electric
Now it's
Old staic
On dryer
Sheets
Left on
The floor
From last
Week
Unclean sheets
I'll just throw
Them away
They don't
Even have that
Fresh scent

Push through
Tired lines
Push through
Tired waves
Push through
Tired spots
Push through
Tired routines
Push through
Tired days
Tired winds
Tired lies
Tired voices
Tired dreams
Tired wishes
Tired realities
Tired looks
Tired eyes
Tired minds
Tired breaths
Tired lives
Tired all
The time
Push through
Maybe it will
Be alright

Take one look
At the sky
You'll see
The truth
Take one look
At the rain
Falling so fine
Rinesing lies
From the streets
Take one look
At the gleaming moon
White and bright
Shining light on
The paths we take
Take a look at
The mountains
That stand tall
And strong
Never bending to
It all
Take a look
At my face
What lays behind?
Is it truth?

Conscious
Well aware
Of what is
Around me
I feel lost
Already
I don't want
To sugar coat
It with sour
Fizz you hand
Me
Why does no one
Understand how
I feel
When I say no
It's cause I've thought
I remembered
Things I can't
I won't let go
I've been shaped
I've molded my
Mind to look
And see who I am
Without intoxication
I can't control
And I guess that's
What it's all about
Control

Maybe it's hard
For me to see
Through coats
Of film
Left behind
By old memories
Maybe it's hard
For this summer
To be freah
Instead of stale
And still
Maybe it's hard
For this world
To turn without
A little love and
A little hurt
Maybe it's hard
For my words
To make it to
You
In the way I want
Them to
Maybe I've got to
Grow up
Live a little
Be reckless
Before I can
See what
Isn't a maybe

I lay
Restless
Hoping our
Conversation
Never ends
I can't sleep
And when I am
Talking to you
I don't want to
It's late
I shouldn't be
Saying these things
But I can't help it
You make me feel
This way
So brave
You make me smile
Without trying to
It's hard to believe
I haven't told you yet
But I bet you already
Know
And that makes me
Sad that you don't
Say anything
But I'll just pretend
This night
This flash of light
Is our time
To get it right
I'll pretend
It all ends
Well

Letter C
You are
Everywhere
Best friends
Possible boyfriends
Where I live
Where he lives
Is it just coincident
Or is fate saying
Something
And maybe the
Letter C is for
Crazy!

I listen
I look
I see
I feel
I know
This isn't
A game
But you
Still play
And I lose
I lost
Everytime
I want
But I won't
Get you
You handle
You amuse
Yourself
With me
And I see

I fill myself up
Fast
Like these
Trains that pass
Right by
And I warn
Myself of your
Words
Like these
Trains sierns
But I still
Get on the
Tracks hoping
You'll stop
For me

So I'll
Just pretend
Like none of
This happened
So I won't get hurt
Again
And I'll try to
Cry if nothing
Comes out
I'll just pretend
I'll just pretend

My body
Pulls toward
Your voice
So sweet
So deep
Let me fall
Right in
My heart
Lets you in
So lay down
With me
My dreams
Whisper your
Name
How I feel
When I hear it
Your hands on
Me
Your eyes on
Me
Taking me in
Deeper and deeper
Into you
I fall
My love is
For you

Doubt, it
Creeps in
Like sweet
Smoke from
Church
I hold out
For you
But am I fooling
Myself
Is it true
Is doubt right
Or should
I believe
You'll pull through

Call me
Again
I want to
Hear your
Voice again
Call me
Again
Into your
Bed
I want to
Lay there
And think of
Nothing else
Call me again
Let me know
You've been
Wanting me
Too

You suck me
Right in
Telling me
You just wanted
To check up
On me
Oh will you tell
Me next time
You're on the line
That you want me
Near you
You want me
To be yours
Sucking me in
With hopes and
Dreams
That I want
Desperately to
Come true

Here I am
Take me
Hold me
Love me
I am letting
You in
My whole
Heart waiting
For you to
Keep it warm
In your embrace
I wait for time
To catch me
Here I am
Take it
Or leave it

Masterfully
I peel
Away at
What lays
Behind
Digging
And digging
Until I get
To the fresh
Wound that
Will only bleed
For you

Up
And gone
With the
Wind
Flying
High
Carried
Away at
Just the
Right time
And I hope
I never see
It again

Getting
To know
You
Me
Takes time
Time I've
Got
You've got
Time
Right?

I wait
And I
Wait
Is it
True
Your
Signs
Lead me
On
But are
You waiting
On the
Other end

So you're
Calling
And I'm
Answering
That is a
Change
A good one
I love
It
Let it change
Today

Telling you
Would only
Aggravate
Me
You'll tease
Me
I know you
You love the
Game
Never the
Chase
And I'm worth
The chase
But you don't
See
You want a broken
Girl
Something you can
Own
Telling you
Won't change
A thing

What do you
Want
From me
I've given you
Everything
And still
You huant me
Will I always
Be the prize
Or do you truly
Want to keep
Me
Do you want me?

Cyberspace
You avoid
Me
And I laugh
Knowing I'm
Chasing
Nothing like
The real thing
But I want
Artificial
Love
Hoping it
Turns into
Reality

So bad
You're so
Bad
And I
I am
So good
So why
Do I fall
Into
Your darkness
Why do I not
See my light
Hurts you
So bad
So good
I just want
To feel so
Good in
Your bad

I'm sitting
Waiting
For your
Bus to
Come around
I'm looking
Out
For your
Smile to
Shine on me
I'm losing
Faith
In your
Friendship
You and I
Have
And sometimes
I just don't
Know what
I'm looking
At

Spining
Let us go
Faster
My hearts
Pumping
Your arms
Are steering
Let us go
Faster
Everything
Around me
Is twirling
Speeding
Up time
Let us go
Faster
The road
Is dark
The sky
Is bright
Let us go
Faster
That pole
Is big
Is close
Let us go
Faster
Don't stop
Now
Let us go
Faster

I hate
This feeling
You push
Against me
Like drugs
I need it
I need you
But you leave
Me empty
Hallow
And cleared
Out
Like the day
After Christmas
Sales
How you make me
Feel
Numb and
Hot
I don't
Want to need
You anymore
I don't
Want to have
This urge
To hear you
Feel you
Read you
Oh why
Can't I
Give you
UP!

Is it too much
To ask for?
For you to
Look at me
And see me
As someone
You'ld want
Next to you
When it is dark
For you to
Look at me
And see me
As someone
You could
Love
With your
Whole heart
If not
Then tell me
So

Fill me up
Oh sweet wind
Fill my lungs
With sinful
Air
How it gets
Me high
Higher than
When I let you
Touch me
How cold
The wind
Feels
Caressing me
Numbing me
Your warm hands
Feeling me
Heating me
Fire burns my
Skin
Why do you
Feel like I need
Your warmth
I want the wind
I want to be cold
Cause I never expect
Much from the wind
If I believe in you
You may just leave
Me cold
Again

Cause I'm
Fighting this
This feeling
Hard as it is
Cause I'm
Losing this
This want
Hard as it is
Cause I'm
Feeling this
This feeling
Hard as I don't
Want to

I can't see myself
Opening
Letting anyone
In
I'm scared
Too afraid
To let my
Walls tumble and fall
I know I shouldn't
Be so guarded
But I am
But thinking of you
Makes me believe
You can tear down
Anything
Even these old walls
I just hope you are
There to pick up the
Pieces

Monsoon
Comes again
Wiping winds
Pouring rain
Screaming thunder
Raging lightning
I bask
I love
When it takes
Over my body
Drowing me
Striking me
Yelling at me
Swallow me whole
I beg for nature
To eat me alive
In earths
Cool wet
And red mouth
Nothing can satisfy
Me more
Than monsoon
Except maybe
You

Tension rising
My heart is falling
For you
Summer is coming
And I am hoping
I will be with you
My mind is racing
I'm almost home
Coming home to
You

It is there
In plain sight
Right between
The eyes
It is there
In the corner
Right where
We left it
It is there
In my heart
Broken
But still
In use
It is there
In your mind
But you choose
To keep it inside

If it is true
Then let it
Ring loud
And clear
Across the
Sky so
That my
Heart may
Catch it
If it is true
Then let it
Find me
In this world

Lalalalala
I hear it in
My head
Lalalalala
I hear it in
My bed
Lalalalala
I hear it in
My dreams
Lalalalala
I hear you
And I wish you
Were with me

AghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhAGHHHHHHHHHHHAHGHHHHAHGHGHGHAHGHAGHAGHAGHGH!!!!
Too much?
Not enough?
What is up?
Why you playing?
Why you saying?
Things don't add up?
Why didn't it?
Too soon?
Too late?
Too far?
Too ahead?
All in the head?
All in reality?
AGHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHAGHAGHGHGAHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

It's a game
Back and forth
That we play
I want you
You just want
Some fun
What is there
For me at the
End of this bet
We hold high
Stakes
In a game
That never
Seems to end

It lays heavy
Across
So big
It beats
Slower
And slower
Everyday
I know I
Lay it down
As if there
Was no other
Way
But I am afraid
That this weight
Will disappear
I don't want
You to disappear

In my chest
I feel it
As I heave
As I breathe
In my mind
I feel it
As I think
As I dream
In my hands
I feel it
As I write
As I type
In my heart
I feel it
As it beats
As it pulses
For you

Words spilling
Out
Like guts
On a highway
Words flying
Out
Like spit
From your mouth
Words coming
Out
Like children
From school
Words speaking
Out
At everything
Around me

And it rings
Loudest
Words that
Fall like
Needles
So clear
Through thick
Air hovering
Over my head
And I want it
To be the
Truth

Like clothing
It falls
Softly to the ground
Slightly standing
On the day
It's absorbed
Words embeded
In wrinkles that
Are dark and
Hard to distingush
Like clothing
How it comes off
So easily
But so hard to choose
Anew

Soft and wet
Pink gum
Rolls around your
Mouth
Sugar coats
Your tounge
Delicious
And you always
Crave it
But how hard it was
Before
That gum ball so shiny
And new
Hard shell to break through
But with you jaws you
Broke right through
And now it is new
New on your tounge

Are we as
Hard as candy
Easy to break
Fun to have
Sharp on the corners
Are we as soft
As petals
Smooth to touch
Lovely to have
In different colors
Are we as strong
As we tell ourselves
As we tell others
Are we as weak
As we fear we are
As we hide from people
Am I just what I think
Am I just what I pretend
Am I?

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
They come flooding
In
And I love everyone
Who sends me
Smiles
But oh how I wait
On your smile the
Most
Selfish of me
To want nothing else
But it's my birthday
And I will cry if I want to
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Doesn't sound as sweet
Until you say it

Hanging on to
Lots of words
Words that
Glisten in the sun
Hanging on to
What you say
Saying everything
That lights up my heart

I am chasing this leaf
This leaf in the wind
And it turns
And it bends
But it never gives in
I am chasing this light
This light that shines bright
And it sparkles
And it flickers
But it never goes out
I am chising this boy
This boy in my world
And he laughs
And he flirts
But he never tells all
I am chasing this image
This image of me
And it's there
And it's real
But it never is me

Having the guts to say
That I deserve better
Someone who loves me
And can say it aloud
Someone to look me in
The eye and not see
A dumb girl
But someone they want
To be with
Having the guts to say
I can do so much better
Having the guts to
Actually do it too.

I let you tease
I let you taunt
Just so I can hear
Your words
Pierce right
Through my heart
It is easy to laugh
When I want to cry
I've pretended for
So long
It's no problem to
Give in
And let you play
Around with me
Because your words
Sound so sweet
And taste so sour
I can't imagine letting
It go
What would I do
If I didn't have you?

Procrastinate
Loudly the sky
Screams
Procrastinate
Loudly the phone
Screams
Procrastinate
Loudly the blank pages
Scream
Procrastinate
Loudly I
Scream

A clear bottle
Holds everything
The air we breathe
The life we lead
The lessons we learn
The memories we make
The words we say
The people we love
The people we've loved
Glistening with all the knowledge
In the sun
Clear to see right through

Last moments
Last thoughts
Last flashes
Of what you
Almost took
Of what you
Let go
Of what you
Didn't catch
How sad
No how woeful
That you
Gained so much
And lost it
In the flip
Of a car

I mean it
When I
Say it
When I
Scream it
When I
Say nothing
At all
How it hurts
To think
How it hurts
To not
I mean it
When I
Say Stop
It

I want to write
It on the walls
Clear the
Sky of all
The dust
We left in
Our hearts
Hold the sun
In my eyes
Without burning
Your face from
My mind
Listen the to wind
Call your name
To my empty
Soul
If you're out there
Fly to me in the
Pollen that grows
Flowers
Spell my name
In the field
Of my dreams
Let it ring
Like the song of
Rain hitting
The street at night
Let it cover me
Like the fresh sheets
Of snow
I want to scream your
Name
I need to know where you
Are

Flick the
Switch
Watch them
Gather
Like flies
To the light
Hold them
Responsible
For clicking
And fliping
And tuning
In
Victims
Murderers
All contribute
To this marvel
To this modern
Marvel

Chasing
Too much at once
Chasing
Shadows that
Stain the walls
Chasing
The wind that
Screams at us all
Chasing
The stars in hopes
I catch one
Chasing
Feelings I don't
Feel anymore
Chasing
For something
Real

Got it on time
Got it on my
Way to a
Land where
You don't
Hold keys
To my heart's
Doors
You open each
Door peeking
And deserting
To the next
Thinking I'll
Kneel to you
I got it this
Time, you
Open doors
When I'm blind
But as soon as
I open my eyes you're
Gone

Talk to your
Whores, make
Them feel special
Let them see
You care about
Their safety
Talk to your
Friends and
Hands out
Those girls
Liked colored
Condoms
Buckets full
And you tell
Me you care

Did it take
You long to
Figure out
That we
Shouldn't
be friends?

Damn the letter
C
My name
Starts with it
And so does
Yours!

I hold it dear
I hold it close
This pieces of
Plastic
That connects
Me to you

Let it come
With chance
And clarity
Let it wash
With love
And alcohol
Let it sting
With percision
And laughter

Help you hold
The life line
You make the heart
Beat and pulse
Send that charge
Because I think
My heart has
Stopped

What the trees see
As they sway
Violently
With the wind
What dirty steps
Try to paint
You can't
See
In moments
Displayed in
Plain view
You choose
To ignore

Like a child
You play with
My heart strings
Like a guitar out
Of tune
Holding me incorrectly
Making notes never
Heard before
Play me
Play me right

So crazy to live in a lie
A lie you built
So we wouldn't get close
A lie so we wouldn't
Become what we could
The lie that kept you
Haunting me

Time warps
Minds
Your eyes
Once so clear
Now covered in
Old film
Your skin
Once so smooth
Now made of a
Life map
Your hands
Once so steady
Now shake
With doubt
Time warps
Minds
and yours

Wonder how
The stars shine
So bright
Wonder how
The sky looks
Just like water
Wonder what
Happened between
You and her!

Yesterday was easy
It's in the past
Today's harder
Conscience decisions
Lead to the next
Tomorrow's a gift
We are blind to
What lays ahead

If my heart didn't beat so fast
For you
If my mind didn't remember
Your charm
If my ears didn't remember
Your laugh
If my eyes didn't remember
Your face
If I had learned things weren't
Meant to be
If my pulse didn't jump
At the sound of your name
If I had a grip of my
Emotions
If I knew how to
Just be friends
Then maybe you
Wouldn't mean
So much to me

Eyes that sting so
Fresh
Does it burn
My dear
As bad as
You burnt
Mine

Friendship with
You means so
Many things
That don't
Fit in our
Hands
We force
and break
Pieces to
Fit together
Do I try
to hard?
Do you
Not try
At all?
Are we
not meant
To fit
Dose friendship
Calsh with
Stronger feelings

All I keep
Thinking
About is how
You've broken
Through the
Ice again
How you
Catch me
Off my
Feet, sweep
Me away
With few
Words
All I can
See is you
and me

Blissfully
I stare
Out of focus
This stage of
Non-exsistence
And awe
Makes me feel
Invisible to those
Who care to
Stare out of focus
And so time continues
Without you and you
Wonder why I don't
Speak up and you
Wonder why you don't
Take charge so we
Tip toe and dance
To a song called
Why

Change my pace
Change my feelings
For you
Change my name
In hopes you
Lose me
Change my scene
Fresh rain
Instead of
Heated pavement
Change my face
Hoping I do
Better with it

Luck chases
Hoping to catch
What it lost

Cherry red
Faces said
That it was
Time to get
Going
Shuffle to
The Shuttle
Let the lights
Dim
Starry nights
Take over
As we
Settle in
Seats to big
Carrying
Us to far
Away places
With ordinary
names
Floating high above
The ground makes
Them nervous
But I just laugh
And float higher

You take
My hand
But it
Feels like
My heart
I tell
Myself
We're
Just friends
But I can't
Stop myself
From feeling
This way
When you
Speak it's
More than
Words to
Me

Tickle my heart
Make my eyes
Regret reading
And seeking your
Face

What was it that made you
Stay
What was it that made you
Want me
What was it that made you
Love me
What was it that made you
Leave me
What was it that made you
Forget me

Take my
Time to
Get you
Off my
Mind
On repeat
I can't
Click off
Gotta let
It run
Its course
Let time
Wear you
Down

What is beauty
The size of a nose
Mountanious or
A flat valley
Eyes of water
Or honey
What is it that
Makes us search
For such qualities
In our genes
Or our hearts
Beauty is something
That awes you
Not what has
Been written
In stone

In all choas
There is truth
Tears clear the
Dirt stains
And laughter
Makes the
Whole world
Go round

Flowing water
Changes the path
Breaks through the
Concrete walls

I fall on my own
Into your hole
What I can't see
Is your derisive
Smile, eyes
Hear your laugh
Echo
I echo
My heart beats
As I slip into
What never
Let me go

Damn you
Damn your
Smile
Damn your
Eyes
Damn your
Words
That catch
An innocent
Girl off
Her feet
Damn you
Damn my
Heart

Sleep is all I ask
Of you
Love is all I want
From you
I hold you hoping
You will return
The favor
As I wait
You run
Free
Like a caged
Bird I wait
For my master
To unlock
The door
The keys hung
Right infront
Of me
I sing hoping
I charm as
Easily as you
Do
But my song
Goes unheard
All I ask
Is that you
Let me go

Fools look out
The window
And say
"It's not
Raining very hard"
Fools speak
When everyone is
Not listening
Fools fall in
Love with
Those who'll
Never love them
Back
Fools like me
Think that
Time is on their
Side
When the hourglass
Is full

Look
Look
See
See
Hear
Hear
Feel
Feel
The
Silence
You
Left
How
Loud
You
Left
It
On
Now
I
Can't
Sleep
Listening
To
The
Silence
You
Left

Situations
Running wild
Every outlook
Crazy as the next
Thinking
Dreaming
Book endings
How silly
Of me to think
Life ends with
Happily Ever After

I watch
As I laugh
As I smile
At your message
Careful
Don't fall in to deep
You can't swim well
Remember those times
You almost drowned
No one there to save you
Watch where you swim
Silly girl
You can't swim in
His ocean

In lights
That shined so bright
Getting lost in the flashes
The crashes that happen
All around
Wind so powerful
You don't know if your walking
Or getting pushed along
The snow that was once
So white
Is now so black
Lining up with the night
Sky
Starless
So many buildings out shine them
Holding on to something that
Doesn't exist
Oh those flashes
Burn old memories of
What was once so real

Lifting the words from
The page
My eyes wander
Along the map
Of my heart
I so nicely
Drew up
For the world to read
Did you find your place?

If I pretend like
You don't feel the same
Way
If I pretend that our
Conversations
Are boring
And pointless
Will it all change
In my mind
If I ignore your jokes
If I stop hearing your
Laugh in my head
Will it all disapper
Could I pretend like
This isn't real?

Blood
Shouldn't rush
through
Anyone that fast
But you got me pumping
Like a race car
And it's hard to control
It
Because I know I shouldn't
Feel this way
Not for you
But you make it boil
Like no one else

I can't keep
Waiting for dreams
To appear out of
Fairytale books
But I just can't put
It down
And we move
We breathe
We die a little
Everyday
Wasting away
I want to know
If this is real
If this is what
You try to say
To me
Say it
Outloud
Let me hear the breathes
Inbetween
Let me feel your hands on me
Holding me as your words
Confirm my dreams
Or just tell me to stop waiting

I know this can't be it
I feel so far
And close
to you
But I never thought
I would get stuck
I wish I could run
But you've got me
Chained to your eyes
And though I cut right
Through
I put them back on again
Can I beat what seems
So impossible
Cause I know I can
Move without you being there
If only I tried
I don't know if friends
Should feel this way
Should I feel this
For you

I love you
But I shouldn't
I think of you
When I should
Listen to the teacher
I want to leave you
In the past
But I keep getting sidetracked
By your comments
Your life that breathes
Right through my computer
And sometimes I feel like
I can't breath
The blood rushes right
From my legs
To my heart
Hoping that you will
Take me in your arms
Or at least your eyes
Something to tell me
You feel the same
Am I playing up
What you said
Are you taking me
On a ride
Hoping I never get off
I am hoping
What about you?

Are you the one?
Is that why I can't forget you
Am I suppose to?
Because everytime we part
Like magnets we are pulled
Together again
Never getting far
If you're the one
Then that would explain
Why we persist
Why fate brings
Us toward eachother
If it is so then what do
We do?
Chasing you
Chasing me
Should we just wait and sit
Or take hold of our hands?
Are you the one to hold
My hands?

Clocks that
Make faces
They laugh
Tick Tocking
At my patience
That is running
Thin
Waiting for you
Can be torture
But their
Sneering
Won't steer me
Away from you

Florescent Rain
Falls on the heads
Of oblivious students
As they write down
Notes that never
End from the
Board

Sounds surround
Me
Faces pass
Me
In skies that aren't
So blue
In winds not
So strong
Each step seems to
Be a half
Every breath taken
Doesn't satisfy
Broken roads
That lead no where
Cracks in walls
That make the
Building fall
In sounds not so sweet
Seeming so far and distant
In skies that separate
They aren't the same
Heat and Chill
Never really mixed
In faces that don't look
So familiar
Pale and tan
There is here
And there is there

I've said it
More than once
But this time I mean
It
I'm moving on
It won't be easy
It hasn't been so far
It won't happen in one day
But you are fading fast
And I can't keep
Chasing shadows
Ghosts that aren't there anymore
So I turn around
And look for real flesh and blood
Someone warm
Because I can't stay frozen forever

What I want most
Isn't in this world
Isn't what you try
To give me
False hope
False love
False sense of security
You say Sorry
But is it real
Does it have any content
Is it like the leaf in the wind
Taken away when you make the
Wind blow again

This isn't easy to say
This isn't easy to write
This isn't easy to remember
I can't look in the sky and see your name
I can't look at pictures and see your face
It's not the same
It hasn't been the same
Life tells me to smile
But you make it hard to do so
When I hear your name
I think of what you've done to me
I think of the life you've lead
Making me the past you wish to forget
I waited
I faded
You faded
We faded and now pictures
Burn in the sun
Blinded us from eachother

Memories
That pain me to remember
Do they hurt you too?
Or do guys simply get up
And run?
I wanted to remember
That you hurt me,
But I see I hurt you.
Was I in control
or did I get up and run?
Could you forgive me
Or have you forgotten?
Memories make me sick
Make me laugh
When I remember your smile
And my stomach flipping like
Dolphins
Do you remember
Or did we run?

Haha
I fall into
My own trap
Thinking and
Thinking over
And over
My brain is on
Repeat
Finding cracks
And hidden messages
That aren't there
Hoping to fake
What isn't real
Haha
The joke is on me

I'll just say it
I hate you
I hate that I can't
Forget you
I hate that I met you
I hate that we act like
Friends
But you pretend more
I hate that I wait like a
Puppy hoping
You come home soon
I hate that this nightmare never ends
I hate that your in my world
Pushing repeat again and again
Let it go
Let me go
I hate that I cry for help
But you don't mind my
Screams
I hate that your ghostly figure
Lingers
I hate that so many miles
Doesn't seem to matter
I hate that you find
Your way into cracks
So small
I hate everything
and nothing about
You!!!!

Like a flash light
It shines on my
Face
Waking me to
The morning
And as I ignore
Nature's alarm
I push out reasons
To get up
What if I just forget
Pull the covers over
And slip away
The walls so white
Can be the rain
Trapping me in a box
The door my window
The window my door
My bed can be
My ship
Sailing away
On blue carpet
As my belongings
Bob in the deep sea
Where I would bob
And be swallowed by
The sea
Until the flash light
Finds me again
Trying to wake me

Almost full grown
But still deciding on
What to be
Who to be
How to be
You
Pretending you know
So much
And hiding your empty
Mind
Pushed and shoved
Into the crowd
You let it swallow you whole
Ignoring hands that reach out
Wanting to fly
Without realizing your wings
Aren't real
Hearing things you want to
Disappear
But I will never disappear

Hands stained
With lies
Knots in trees
Twisted with truth
Hearts filled with
Old Promises
Skies covered in
Repeated days
Holding out for
Something that isn't
Real
Teasing you with what
They say they are
But lie about what
They are

I can't say that I am sorry
I won't say that it was a mistake
Talking to you
Wasn't what I had planned
But falling into your world
With words that make me trip
Make me spin
Into your trap
It was so easy
Pushing me in
Wasn't it?
I laugh in my dreams
But cry when I wake
Why do you send a message
Then pull it out of my hands
You must think I am a fool
Watching me struggle to stand
Without you
Standing behind that one way mirror
And if I told you the truth
That you are too cruel
Being something that I can't have
Would you leave?
This time for good?
Because haunting me
Is doing no one any good
This world I've built in my mind needs
To fall
Will you help me tear it down?
Or build it again?

I tell myself
I am a fool
Playing the jester
Against my will
But laughing
Is better than crying
Over something
That was never meant
To happen
Something I fell for
Again
I am a fool
For believing you

I mix my dreams
In with reality
I let them
Run through
My head
And still I
Wonder why
I feel like
I imagined it all

It's all in the end
The last word
Question
You always seem
To leave me with
Sitting
Thinking
Of what you mean
What you want
What you try to take
and break again
So nice and polite
Then cold and gone
Before I have chance
To smile
At what I thought was
So true

Is it time to give
You a chance
Even if it isn't what
I want
What I wished for
It is better than forgetting
You and Me
You may
Be alone
And so am I
But at least we aren't pretending

I read in between
The lines
Even when there is nothing
There
I look for clues to help
Me see if you
Are coming after me
Again
Are you friendly
Or lonely
I read into what you
Say
Trapping me before I realize
What I am doing
Again

I feel giddy
Happy
When you see
talk
touch
me
I feel sad
Forgotten
When you turn away
are silent
leave
me
Tell me
Do you mean to hurt me
Or are you just scared you
Feel the same way
Because I desperately seek
either

This old scar
Makes me laugh
Makes me cry
Makes see
That you needed
To hurt me
I needed to feel
This
This scar reminds me
Of you
Reminds me that you
were my first heartbreak
Reminds me that things
Mend
This old scar is a piece of
you that is with me

I don't know if
I can trust your
Words
I don't know if
I can look you in
The eye
And see the man
I need
I can't stand for my
Heart to be broken
Again by you
If I can't love you
Then why do I
Still look for reasons to
Keep you

In one swift moment
You pass by
How can I tell
If you're the one
Are you what I've
Been searching for
I can't get you out of
My head
You're like this faded picture
Worn and torn in my heart
Then you seem to reappear
Vibrant and full of life
How can I let go of something
That never dies
How do I know your
My one true love

I hate that
You walk right in
Never do much
Just being there
Makes me quiver
I can't tell my
Stomach to stop
And my heart
Races
I can't talk
So you take over
The conversation
I hate that you
Can leave whenever
You please
But I stay stuck
On my few moments
With you
I hate that you have uncanny
Timing and show
Up when I have
Almost forgotten you
But most of all
I hate
That I can't stop
Loving you

Darkness
Falls into
My hands
Deep in my
Palms I
Feel the pulse
Of life
Flowing through
Me

Wall of people
Search for gaps
Holes they can
Sink into
Like quicksand
Slow sink
into the walls
Holding knowledge
That cost them
So much
A wall of people
Sunk in reality

But you haunt
me day and night
I cannot sleep
Yeah your in
My dreams
Oh what does this mean
I thought that I
Had given you up
A long time ago
Yeah I thought
You were dead
To the world
In which I wander
But I do see
That you are a part of me
And I can't
Give you up
You're like a never ending song
That plays
In my heart
Sweet and bitter all at the same time
And my tears are not for what I didn't have
They're for the days that seem so far away
You seem so far away from me

Fresh air
Fills my lungs
Hungry for more
Engulfed in wind
Pushing me
Ever so slightly
In the direction I head
The path itself
Is farther than I can see
Carrying me so lightly
The breeze holds
me up
When I feel like falling
Clear mind
Clouded heart
Fresh air
Holds me together

Cool off sun
there ain't no reason
to sweat
Just a couple of kids
out looking for spring
Lay off their backs
You've got until
June
To tease them
with the Heat

You have my heart
I want it back
Lent it out
Now pay the late fee
It's not yours
It never was
Layaway programs
Don't work for organs
Better be rewound
Better be in good condition
Or you're going to pay
For the rest of the collection

Lies intrigue me
Snow amazes me
People scare me
Friends intimidate me
Family frustrates me
Love hurts me
Life overwhelms me
I would be lying if I
Told you otherwise

Can it be a crime
To lie about what
your're really thinking?
What if what you're
Thinking is something
That isn't nice to say?
Living in a world
of secrets and vibes
Can really be confusing.

An embrace of sun
A chill up my spine
Like a ghost
Who won't go away
Your all that consumes me
How can this be
You were never mine
And still I feel your mark
Here on my heart
In my mind I thought I was yours
I thought you loved me too
But I'm a fool
To follow the gust of a ghost

Post me up
Tear me down
Hold me
Push me
There I am
There you go
A shadow I can't catch
A tree you can't plant
I chase
You lead me on

Eyes locked
Minds in sync
So why is it so
Hard to hear me
To see the signs
Where did it all
Go

Just a can
A can on the floor
You see it
You don't pick it up
It's not your trash
But that can wants you
To pick it up
Pick it up
It may be something
you're not expecting

Clear like rain
And dirty as snow
I see why
I can't see
Through the days
That floated so slowly
When there were times when
I couldn't breathe
When the summer heat got to me
My mind was racing to find an
Explaination
Did I have the answer
Did I have you
Was it clear like rain
Or dirty like snow?

Where does the line lay
Beneath the sky?
Near the oceans tide
Where there was you
and me?
Did I read into your
face too much?
Did I find something
that wasn't real?
Where does fantasay
become my reality?

In cracks too deep
In wounds too fresh
In minds too false
In lies too true
In beds too hard
In skies too blue
In air too thick
In seas too wide
In trees too tall
In nights too dark
There is you
Too much for me

God is my
Protector
Pen is my
Savior
And you
You're my
thief of
Sanity

Human nature
To compete
Human kindness
To care
Which do I choose
Today?

Jeoulsy is not flattering
And yet green is my color
What can I say
When you fluant
And I stare
Do I glow like the trees
How sad, more like a monster
I try to keep my cool
But Pride doesn't suit you
Either

What we lack most
Is truth to our own
Lives
What we want most
Is in someone elses
Hands
What we say most
Is something that isn't
On our minds
What I feel most
Is life's imperfections
And my own

Take a hold of your
Pride
You can eat some
Humble Pie

Harmony
Finds its way into
My ears
Sweet lines
That carry me away
From reality
Words that hold a
Special place in
My Heart

Looking in
Never in the ring
beauty and terror
swirls around them
as I sit envious
and amazed
Someone falls
I feel like I've fallen
They suceed
I win
Always looking in
Hoping they ask me
to join in the act.

Did I forget
To let my heart
Love
Did I build walls
To high to
Climb
Did I lose
To much to gain
Back
Did I?

Wishing
Is a fools game
Dreaming
Breaks when awaken
Living
Is the only way
To get what you
Dream
Wish
Start Living

Warm in your embrace
Cold in your eyes
Could I have been wrong
Was I fooling my heart
Did I say something
Or am not what
Your looking for

Series
Of poems
That are
My life
I don't
Know how
Else to
Say it

I'm looking
Looking
Looking
Looking
And failing
Failing
Failing
Failing
Do I question?
What do I question?
Who do I question?
Do I only have to look in
A mirror
And see

What is there today?
Or tomorrow?
Why is it so hard
To be happy?
I can pretend
But demons break
Me every now and
Again
Choosing this
Choosing that
Strength I don't
Think I have
So what about today?
What about tomorrow?

Shambles
Lie beneath
Tears wash
The walk way
But my love
Seems useless
Harboring inside
Wasting away
Nothing seems
To be worth living
The only thing
That keeps me standing
Is the beauty
On this earth

pop [pop]
noun
1.
music Same as pop music
2.
arts Same as pop art
adjective
1.
musically commercial: musically commercial, especially by being tuneful, up-tempo, and repetitive, and targeted at the general public and the youth market in particular
a pop song
2.
popular: intended for or appreciated by a wide public, and often regarded as oversimplified for the sake of greater accessibility (informal)
magazines full of pop psychology
Microsoft® Encarta® 2006. © 1993-2005 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
WHAT THE HELL!

Time doesn't matter
It crunches up my world
That I have nothing left
Just a speck
Floating around
For infinity

You're a bad wish
I keep wishing
You're a bad dream
I keep dreaming
You're a bad lie
I keep telling
You're a bad song
I keep singing
You're a bad book
I keep reading
You're a bad movie
I keep watching
You're a bad friend
I keep forgiving
You're so bad
That I want you!

Holding it together
Hurts
More than the cut
In first grade
and in tenth
I want to unwind
Let my strings lose
Let my head roll around
The floor
And everyday seems like a battle
Letting light
Laughter
Joy come in
When all I do is dream
Of things that shouldn't
Ever come true
What is wrong with me
That I can't stay happy when
Things are going so well
When can break down
And let go

Desperation
I am pulling on my heart strings
Reaching out
But grabing nothing but air
I've cornered myself
Letting cob webs grow on me
I stare out in the distance
Fearful of moving
Fearful of living
Bound by chains
I locked myself
I want to scream
But I gave my voice away
Hurting because of my own doing
No one holds me
They all look at me
With faces so warm
But I turn away
Afraid one day they
Will turn cold
Desperation
Calling out to my own senses
To save myself

In the corner
I will wait
Until you find
me hiding away
I'm to nervous
I like you too much
I can't do it
It's too much
Just come find me
It's worth the walk

I had a funny sense
That people
Are never what they
Appear to be
And I found out
It is all true
Walking around
Pretending
That they've all
Got it in the bag
But peer in
And all you see is
Complete
Confusion

Letters from an old friend
Make me feel alive again

Oh for so long I neglected
Time
Thinking that it would always
Be on my side
But now I see
I've let it fly
Right by me
Friends I thought I knew
Are different in so many ways
I feel like I've missed it all
And while everything is changing
I feel the same
No older
No wiser
Asking the same questions
I did years ago
When will time be on
My side again

Time flies

Whether you're having fun

or not

Oh sweet time

If only I had learned

To keep you dear

How I've neglected

Letting you dwindle

Down

Now I feel pressure

from every direction

Feeling like I've lost

Myself in those forgotten

Days

Oh time

Please be on my side

Once again