A most true but relecutant confession

It's insane how I feel
When your presence
Consumes my halls
Your beautiful on the
Inside and the out
It's too hard to comprehend
I think I just dropped my
Breath and it floated
Right on by but I
Can't focus in
Because now I am
Living right here and now
And I'm stunned by all
The emotions aroused
In seconds by just looking
At you
And letting you embrace
The very small
And almost invisible me
That hid behind curtains
And veils
To keep up the illusion
Of an omnipotent
Young woman
Who can't seem to give
Herself a break
And all I want is to be
The best that I can be
Not realizing the flaws
I blindly observe
Are the unique qualities
Attributed to
Who I am and
How I will come to be
The older version
Of my youth that fumbled
To find her way
And so I give you this rare gift
Of an unfiltered me
That sometimes is too much

But that is me
And just like I have said
Your presence awakens me

A Forgotten Rambling

I run and hide
Becoming my worst enemy
Thinking up things that I shouldn't be
As I sit and wonder
And left to ponder
About all the lies
I told you
Trying to evoke
some sort of
a spark inside you
Then I came to realize
I was not right for you
So I said good bye 
Packed up my things
And fled from
Your embrace
Your gated doorway
Where you kept me
For too long
Promising me that
One day
I'd be inside
Lighting every room
And looking out your
Window as the sun comes
Up
But it won't
Not in such a dark place
Like your soul

An Ego Ablaze

A raging fire
Of pure emotion
Fuels every muscle
Giving power to the
Ego

How it yearns to be
Acknowledged
Not forgotten
But solidified
In the reality it
Finds itself in

Lurking around
Trying to figure it out
Letting others come close

Testing to see
If it will get hurt

A raging fire
Of raw emotion
Charges every fiber
That is contained in the
Ego

How it craves to be
Heard
Not ignored
But understood
In this semblance
We are all in

Wondering if
Ideas it has
Are worth sharing

Or if they should kept
To itself

A raging fire
Of pure emotion
Fills every nerve
To the brim for the
Ego

How it runs on
Adrenalin
Sustaining momentum
To reach the end
In hopes its the first
To win

Pondering if
The rat race
Unfolding
Is just a distraction
From what is happening
With the Ego as a whole

A Story Still Unwritten

The fog dissipates
But only for the moment
Such a beautiful
Scope of time
That rings around
My mind
And suddenly the clairty
Is all too vibrant
Colors pop
And walls drop
As my soul and heart
Collide
Into the voided space
Inside

Exploding whispers
Of life
As they flicker out
The moments passing
Passing as they come
Glimpses of
Fractional lacuna

The fog falls
Around the long halls
With pictures hanging
Of brutal memories
That held the vacinity
In darker lights
With a heavy smog
That could not be
Swept out
Holding it's guests
Hostage from the
Moments trying so
Hard to spill out
And splatter the world

Exploding moans
Of hearts
Bursting with lust
As they fan out
The moments presented
As they force themselves
Where it feels most right

The fog scatters
Around your face
Reminding me
Of preoccupied
Glorious space
That is glowing
Inside and out
In the moment
We create
As they flourish
To the ground
Beneth the path
We set out to see
The clearly unpaved path

Dirt Devil of Feelings You Awaken

Boy you tell me not to fall in love
But you make it hard not to
And when you smile
I feel it instantly in my sense
Of space
It's like a time and place
That is all too common
One that without even knowing
Is familiar at face

Let the words be exclamied
From all corners of life
This feeling inside
That most certaintly is
Coming out

My heart's rhthym
Is effected by life's beats
But when you're near
It's hard to be aware
Of the feeling
Going around and around
And when you hold me close
Those sounds that tear away
Disappear into the background

Let the phrases be profound
In it's simplest forms
So we both understand
That if I am going to lose
It doesn't come as a shock

Boy you tell me not to fall in love
But you disappearing into thin air
Would be a clear sign
Of just what kind of man you are
The wrong kind
Even with my heart chasing
The beats you lay down
I can live without you
And maybe that's what I'll do

With a Heavy Lock

Why did I close my eyes
To the wonderful surprise
I never treated right

I am letting go
Of that beautiful
Someone
I don't deserve

Why did I shut my mouth
When the words could flow
Out smoothly to greet you

I am letting go
Of that mess I
Created
On my own

Why did I keep the door
Locked up tight
Hiding inside at night

I am letting go
Of the stains I try
So hard to scrub
Off the bedroom floor

Why do I pretend to
Sleep soundly
In such an empty bed

I am letting go
Of warm bodies
Keeping my cold
Heart warm

Not a Victory Dream

I hear my heart
It sounds like a beat
That runs along
Your mind
As you lay there
At night
Hoping she comes
In your dreams
Visiting you
Where she can
Run and never
Be caught

Do you hear
My heart beat
Trying to bring you
Back from
The dream
That always
Wakes you
When it turns into
A nightmare

I hear my heart beat
The sound goes
To you falling
Cutting through
The thick gravity
That stopped you
From catching her
As she jumped

The sound of pain
Echoed through
and my heart beat
Woke me
As you laid there
Hoping you could
Sleep through
The sound of losing

Do you hear my heart
Its calling to you
To let her jump
As you wake to find me

A flickering memory

Remember the promises
You never made

Remember the lies
You never told

Remember the smiles
You never bore

Remember the tears
You never shed

Remember the seconds
You never saw

Remember the feelings
You never remorsed

Remember my worries
You tried to keep

Remember my skin
You once touched

Remember the songs
You once heard

Remember me
You once loved

Remember you
The you  you once were

Remember the days
You felt were too long

Remember the nights
You knew ended too soon

Remember the love
Remember

The Bridge I Cross and The Tolls you Take

Don't lie
Don't pretend
That those messages
Are sent as a friend
Because from afar
It looks like you are
Interested in more
Than just white lies

Don't lie
Don't lead me in
Saying you want nothing
Than to be good friends
Because fiction never turns
Out well for the lover
With distant reflections
Of non-corresponding affections

Don't lie
Don't send me away
When you say that
Getting to know me
Is so imparative
And yet you linger and stay
Just far enough to keep
Your eyes on the watch

Don't lie
Don't patrionize
The rising feeling inside
That you are interested
In more ways than one
And instead of letting me know
You run around vague phrases
For fun

The Sound of Flesh Shattering

It's all my fault
This breaking
Cracking
Tearing feeling
In my heart

Your heart hurts
My head bangs
Against the walls
We put up
To keep out
The reality here now

It was a fall
A jump of fate
Falling through
Silver linings
Sown by you
Ripped out by me

It's all my fault
This splinting
Slashing
Slicing feeling
In my heart

Your heart's bare
Empty and despaired
Mine is sold
Never knowing
Where it wants to go

It's all my fault
This dark corner
I put you in
Thinking I could
Keep you

Your heart's pure
And I stained it well
Thinking that life
Would have a spell
To un-curse you now

It's all my fault
And I hope your heart
Never stops
Despite the whole
I put in it 
 

One Layer at a Time

Underneath that tiny lair of skin
That you love to hold yourself in
So warm and safe
Never too noisy or too perilous
Where you tuck in
When the world is windy
And unpredictable
You wish life was more
Like the endings
Where things are right
In the end
Hiding underneath the
Only armor you were ever given
It's still fragile
But it will do
Because acting is a guise
We can all use at some time
Maybe more than others
But then how would we know
When falsehood is a common good
We like to abuse
And it didn't cost a thing
Not even a penny
So the freedom we mistook
Buries us deeper
Into the devices
We create to see clearer
And the clearer it is
The more we know
And the more we know
The less we see
Seeing the scrapers
Peeling away at the reality
We once made
Hoping we forget
And continue to bury
Our heads
And if we don't comply
Well then there are other ways
To make us run and hide
Into layers of skin
Some deep
But more than not
Too thin to keep

A Colorful Wind

Hearts change

And baby the wind was always

Shifty on days we spent

Apart

Breaking hearts is one thing

But letting go hurts more than

Shattering flesh

The image I painted

Suddenly ran down the canvas

Hearts change

And baby the wind never stays

Still in one place for us

Never

Chasing dreams that smeared

Across the miles that separate

Us from state to state

It was picked up and carried

To a place that no longer exists

Hearts change

And baby the rain soaked it

Into the ground along the

Desert sand

Shaking off my back

Chills from when I lost the feeling

My heart knew it

But my mind took time

To close the gap

Hearts change

And baby the time grew

Into something wonderful

And got carried away in the wind

Time Lapse, Some Kind of Synapse Failure

Strangers say things we'd never expect
Familiar faces turn when we'd never expect
And we still expect the things to be
The same as they always were

Look in my eyes
Tell me you see
The same girl
You thought
You once knew
Tell me she's there
'Cause I can't find her
In this mirrors reflection

Strangers say things we'd never expect
Familiar faces turn when we'd never expect
And yet we want our expectations to be
Met just like they always were

Look into my face
Tell me it hasn't changed
Forming into a person
You don't know
Saying things
You never thought you'd hear
'Cause I can't hear what
She's saying anymore

Strangers say things we'd never expect
Familar faces turn when we'd never expect
And we yearn for expectations to be
Unhinged just like they always have been

Look into me
Tell me it's still me
This me you want
All the wonders
And all the flaws
Cuts and brusies
You've yet to greet
She could be all yours

Strangers say things we'd never expect
Familiar faces turn when we'd never expect
And we try so hard to figure out
Just what we expected all along

Look at me
Tell me I never changed
Did you ever expect me to?
A stranger to myself
I am the familiar face that turns
I am the stranger who's made you doubt
You don't know me anymore
So please face me and expect nothing less

Strangers say things we'd never expect
Familiar faces turn when we'd never expect
And you still expect things to be
No more different but they already are

Heavy Heads, Fumbling Hearts

We try so hard to find
The right words to say
And why wouldn't we
We only want what's best

Unfortunatley
There is no right thing
To say
To change
All the ways
This has gone
Awry

We try so hard to find
The right things to give
And why wouldn't we
We only want what's best

Sadly
There is nothing to give
When rivers have dried
All the way up
And we tried and tried
To find another
But only cried

We try so hard to find
The way we used to be
And why wouldn't we
We only want what's best

Regrettably
There is no where to hide
The binds have come undone
My time with you was fun
But I have moved on
Before I knew you were
Trying to catch up

We try so hard to find
The right way to say goodbye
And why wouldn't we
We only want what's best 

Too Soon To Tell

We haven't gotten too far
We haven't even left the park
We are just enjoying
Small moments that
Keep catching us
Unexpectedly

It's all happening
Quick
But where this goes
No one knows

We look into each others eyes
We look for more than just the usual
We are just enjoying
Each others company
The way you hold me is
Surprising

It's all happening
Fast
But where this ends
No one knows

We see there's room in this bed
We see there's room in our hearts
We are just enjoying
The warmth
The way we melt is
Bewildering

It's all happening
Suddenly
But where this goes
No one knows

We know some things are far
We know some things are near
We are just enjoying
Being here
The way it goes
Will have to stay a mystery