Here so close
In the heavens
On earth
I am not deserving
I am hiding
I am fearing
The most amazing
Thing to shine
Near me

In a darkness
I cast upon
Myself
I know
That one day
Your light will
Run out
On me

Or maybe not
There is so much
I am waiting for
While I lay with you
And bask in your
Self made light
Artificial
But never hot
To the touch

Here so close
Are the answers
That I may not be
Ready for
Willing to see
Believe
Know
Want
But I want you
And so close
I will stay
Until you say
Go away

Remember the promises
You never made

Remember the lies
You never told

Remember the smiles
You never bore

Remember the tears
You never shed

Remember the seconds
You never saw

Remember the people
You never sought

Remember the fights
You never won

Remember the words
You never spoke

Remember the songs
You never heard

Remember the ideas
You never thought

Remember the places
You never found

Remember the time
You never wasted

Remember the wrongs
You never righted

Remember the nights
You never wanted

Remember the feelings
You never had

Remember the books
You never read

Remember the looks
You never forgot

Remember the homes
You never left

Remember the food
You never ate

Remember the memories
You never erased

Remember the conversations
You never finished

Remember this
If nothing else
Remember at least one

I'd like to say
My heart doesn't
Hang heavy
With feelings
Memories
Smiles
I've captured
From you

I'd like to say
My mind doesn't
Wander far off
Into possibilities
Day dreams
Visions
I've seen
You in

I'd like to say
My stomach doesn't
Feel tight
Twisted
Knotted
When I've
Touched you

I'd like to say
My breath doesn't
Leave me when
I see you
I talk to you
I kiss you
And I just know
I am not the
Only one
Who'd like to ponder
Just a few months more
Before saying
I'd like to say
I love you

An ugly ephinay

There's a slight tilt in the wind today. My heart and chest constrict blood just a second later than necessary before it flows out. You never really feel death coming at you, you never really know death is walking around waiting for your chest to stop. For your mind to go blank, for your eyes to shut. And the wind, it surrounds you in this air field of your own reality. Sometimes the wind is soft and cooling or warming, knowing what you need. Other times it's crushing and forceful, trying to get you to curl up and give in. Today the wind blew over my tightened chest making it easy to break. One touch and it would shatter to a million pieces. A mess all over the ground being picked up and carried away by the wind. Dust in the wind, dust of the deceased. There in the air it would all just blend in again. Matter from matter. I am trying hard to keep my chest intact but every breath feels like I am going to burst right out. Everything collecting inside the cavity of vitalizes. Boom. An array of red confetti falling back down on me. Release of infinite pressure, a confinement that could only have a running down clock. And today the wind feels sharper then ever.