I can't write
I can't think
about
anything
and my mind
is cleaning
out all of
the junk
inside my head
but something
won't go away
and I am just
drained

White
Gray
(You can't see black on black, you know that)
Pink
Red
Brick
Orange
Yellow
Gold
Green
Emerald
Light blue
Teal
Sky blue
Blue
Midnight blue
Lavender
Purpel
Magenta

Pink is my name
Red is my game
Orange is my style
Yellow is my vibe
Gold is my rule
Green is my time
Teal is my steal
Blue is my moon
Purpel is my sky
Black is my jack

Another summer
came and went
just like the rest
and we grew into
a woman more
and more each day
and soon high school
ended I was accepting
as many colleges
as possible
and schlorships were coming
and coming
and "" was accepeted
to the best Julliard
but she had fallen in love
and they were getting married
and while college waited for me
"" left her dream for love

Writers block sucks
especially when you
have a headache and
your hand hurts from
all of the typing that
you did even though
everything that was
typed is horrible
and you are so close
to the end of whatever
it is that you are writing
everytime I even think
about even writing more
my brain starts to pound

In school we would
hang out
but she had her friends
and I had mine
and she was younger
she passed
right by me on
the social latter
I didn't mind
I knew everyone loved her
but being referred as
her sister
was annoying
I wanted to be my own person
and I couldn't be that
I was the smart
stay in the corner sister
and she was the glowing sister
everyone wanted
to be her best friend
and when I heard that
I got upset
I was her best friend

He was always
working
and he came home
late
so we would go to
bed
without seeing him
and when we woke up
he was
gone
and on weekends
we would find him alseep
on the couch
that could put anyone to
sleep
and "" and me
would curl up next to him
and lay there
and fall to sleep

Laughing
she was always
Laughing
I can remeber
even now
though I had not
seen here for years
I loved her laugh
and I sometimes evened
her because everyone
complimentated her
and they would
just say "Hi" to me
nothing special about me
and I hated that she was
so cheerful all the time
and I always felt gulity for
thinking these things
but it was never a contest
to her, she always made me
laugh and stick with me
because I was her older sister
and she thought that I was the
prettiest
and the smartest
and that is all that mattered

They are all
weeping and
telling stories
that they remebered
to bring up
as the slurp their
menuddo
and fill
their mouths to the
brim with warm corn
tortillas that are crisp
and I'm still silent
letting it all sink in
that she really isn't
here and that these stories
I'll remeber with dread

Even though
the morning
is weary
the smell
the food
gets me
stiring
and as
I step
out
the
door
I
smell
just a
little more
and It's rising
to my nose
and singaling me
to get down stairs

Mornings
not the best time
of the day
but in my house
morining means
cooking
cleaning
and lots of talking
so I get up
even though my body
doesn't want to
and I force myself
to put a smile on my face
because I know
when I walk out of the
room, that there will be
someone there to judge
how I look
and what I am doing
so I'm ready to go
out into the war zone

After the canal
after all the hysteria
we all went back
to our daily routines
mama went back to
work at the luandry mat
and papi went to his construciton
we went back to school
and we became popular
but in first grade everyone is
and so the summer soon faded
like a bad cold
and fall was skipped
and winter rose
and the sweaters were pulled
out and everything old
got sowen up tight
the oatmeal
was cooked in the morning
to warm us up
and when we came home
the frijoles were ready
and all was well in our little home

They all
want to know
what I do
where I live
how it looks
and what is there
but I can't answer
any of Their
questions
because even though
I live there I
nothing about it
and in the sad
life that I lead
nothing interesting
ever happens
to me
but They are all
so sure
that I have a boy
back home
and that my dead
end job is fun
and don't even try to
tell them the truth
because I don't want
to shatter Their hopes
and so I nod my head
and say "Si" to every
question
just to make it seem
like I didn't leave here for
nothing

Awake from
a memory
that seemed
to be a dream
I walk back to
the kitchen
to get some
food
because now
I am hungry
to fill my soul
with something
other than
sorrow
and the cool
ortcheata
makes the summer
feel like spring
because here
it gets to
120 degrees
and all the fans are blowing
at top speed
but it the air is still
thick and muggy
just like my dream

Canal

It was a sticky
hot day
different from
most
we were
trying to be dare
devils
and see what we could
do
where the
dare came from
I'll never know
but " "
took the challenge
I told her
that she didn't have
too
but nothing could stop
her from showing
courage
all the stories
we had heard
made me shake
with fear
I knew something
was wrong
but I just stood there
and as she climbed in
the air thickend
the water was rushing
faster than before
and as soon as she entered
her body was swept away
with her little body
was swallowed whole
and we all scurried to the
canal
someone went
to get some help
but I stood still
looking down
and all at once
everything slowed
down
and her hands that struggled
to pull herself up
as she bobbed
up and down
and I didn't know
whether she would
come up again
then in a blink
someone grabbed
the little hand
and she was rushed
away
just like the canal
did
and I stood there
not knowing what to do

Some how
I have maneged
to escape there
questions
and plates full of food
trying to feed me
like I've never
eaten before
and I wandered around
because it has been so long
since I've seen my own house
and the pictures are hanging all in a row
and they are all clean
no spots
at all
and then I freeze
because there she is
and just like
I remeber
she glows
I am stuck
there in the hall
when my mother
comes
she stops
right next to me
and a tear falls
from both of
our eyes
and puts her
arm around me
and for the first time
I let it all out
and she holds me
not telling me to stop
and I cry
and she whimpers
and we both stand up
when my father comes
and he's got water
running from his eyes
and we stare at the picture
that glows

The old
men and
there gray
hairs sit
in beach
chairs
with lite
ciggarets
and coronas
in a row
and my
papi
is lighting
one up
with his old man
and they sit and
stare at the
air they puff

They all rush
like a marching band
and I arm myself
ready for anything
the stale perfume
hits me square in the eyes
and the lipstick
actually sticks to my cheek
and as they squeeze and pinch
I catch a glimpse
of my mother
and her eyes are filled
with both joy
and sorrow
then she puts on
her armor suit
and walks away
from the battle site

I can smell
from my car
that smell
of home
the tamales
the empandas
the frijoles con arroz
and my stomach is
full of chips
and energy drinks
I inhale long and hard
because just the smell can fill you up
And I walk steadily
knowing exactly what is coming

Realizing

I'm realizing
everything
in life
I can't
stop thinking
Why now?
Why you?
Couldn't He
have choosen
someone else
beside you?
I want answers
I need closure
I am alomst
home
but I am
far from
you

Shock

They say you're
blind
but you can't see
They say your in
pain
but you don't feel
They say your in
denial
but you push away
They say your in
shock
but you don't feel

I thought it was forever

I thought
life was forever
I thought
we would stay
together
I thought
that nothing
could touch us
I thought
you were always
here
I thought
that we fought
but we would
get over it
I thought
that time
and our lives
lasted forever

Pit Stop

the total
$2.95
the time
sundown
handing
the cash
grabbing the
change
almost forgetting
my things
it's been
this way
all day
my body
took a pit
stop but
my brain
won't

Drive

I have to
stay awake
I have to
drive home
my hometown
is far
and distant
I had decided
I wanted
to drive
and be
up here
far from
them
and now
I have
to drive
far down
there and
stay awake

Blank

My mind is
blank
nothing brewing
nothing coming
out
not even
tears stroll
down
I'm blank
I'm nothing
she's gone
and there
is nothing
to get
her back

Rain

Today it's raining
it's raining hard
and good
and it's suprises
me
that the phone is
ringing
with
joy
and
rapture
I am sure
it is
good news
but the rain
is hard
and cold
and the
voice is
soft and
sad
and I know
exactly why
it rains

She feels
stuck
like everything
is going no where
and she is not
happy anywhere
and the smiles
they give her
only make her
cringe with fear
she can't return
the same
and it's all fake
every laugh
because she is
just buing time
'till she can leave

you spew
the words
that sting
and puncture
the hearts of
anyone near
your mouth
is the weapon
that fires
unregertfully
and they fall
to your feet
and you imprison
them to work
for you
and they spew
just as much fire
as you feed them
and they dare not
turn on you
'cause all that
would remain
would be ashes
and your army grows
and is based on fear
but my army
is built with hearts
and souls
that feel remorse
and some day you
will bow to the one
you thought you
scorned

twirling faster
and faster
and the ride won't
stop
slower and
slower she loses
grip of all reality
and the world is
spinning 'round
and 'round
her
in mid air
she wishes she
never got on
the ride
that let go
of her

I want to say
hello
but I'm not sure
if you'll say hi
back
because you seem
upset
and I can feel
you're not
willing
to give our
friendship another
chance

laughing
makes the light in someone's
eyes
and fills the room with
smiles
it is what reminds us that we
are alive

it's not an akward
silence
it's just so quiet
and the whimpering
is here and there
and I'm in the back
woundering if tears
should fall from my
eyes and I watch
my father
walk with a limp
in his soul
and his head cast down
and his pain feels me
with sorrow
and I just want to hug him
and tell him
that this isn't real
and that we aren't
really here
because I can't bear to
see him in pain
and being here
I feel like I am watching from
the outside
seeing what is life

feeling the road
as it moans
from the tires
that roll
on top of it
and the passing
scenery of
trees and hills
and everything is
passing by so fast
and you can't
catch a glimpse
of anything
and you can only
put pieces together
and the view
of the never ending
road that lays
ahead

they are all
talking
they are all
living
but they are not
seeing
and they are not
realizing
the time
that remains
the lessons
they learn
the people
they love
the life
that ends

the hands
point half past
nine
and the sky
is gray
not black
and the stars
can't be found
and the flickering
of the fire
keeps them away
and the
smoke makes
their eyes water
and the cold
air hits
their backs
reminding them
of the reality
that is behind

The heavy smoke
filled the room
and their breaths
drew in
the polluted air
and their lungs
absorbed the
dark fog
and they
exhaled slowly
and the cycle
continued
for hours
and hours
slowly one
by one
they left
and the fog
disappeared