Finding the prize
And realizing
You're too early
To receive it
Makes a heart
Heavy and sad

Confused on what
Time is trying
To do with you
And me
Because I'm thinking
This isn't coincidence
This isn't something
Just by chance

So why is time
Tricking our minds
If this is more than
The mere eye can see
How come it isn't
Turning out just like
I thought it would

Finding the prize
And realizing
You're too early
To receive it
Wakes the mind
To reality once
Again

Our words transcend into
The air around us
Dispelling into silence

Can I break these particles
Into what needs to be said?

Our working up
Our working down
From not saying much
To saying a little bit
About everything

Can you decide how to
Equate your words for me?

I've always been impatient
With time and feelings
Pushing until I discovered
All there was
But meeting you makes me
See I can't push or pull
Natural tides

Can we understand each other
Before it's too late?

Our words transcend into
The air around us
Dispelling into silence

A monster with in
I know I can control
But I give in to easily

He's calling
And your wondering
Leaving me in a
Tide of emotions
An under toe of thoughts

Falling into an innocence
I can believe in again
Happiness filling me up
After being so drained
But you aren't that near

Fleeting into a darker state
That still lingers so distinctly
Having eaten away everything
I once knew
And he calls me just like the rest

A monster with in
I'm losing faith
That it will win
Because I know you now

Here are the things
I can't stop thinking
And wish I had said

You make me smile
You make me laugh
Not forced
Nor too much
But constant
And full
An innocent laugh
That makes me smile
Even more

You make me sober
In every sense
And when I stand
Alone against
Everything else
I wonder what you'd do

You make me wonder
What else I haven't
Learned
Seen
Explored
With a less cautious hand
I grab for yours

You take my breath away
Starting from the bottom
Of my lungs until I quiver
For air again
Realizing how close
I almost let you in

You shake my world
And I question everything
I ever thought because
If this feeling's real
And lasts then maybe
These are things to think
About all in my head

And I was just wondering
If I make any sense
If I'm not alone in this

Intimate terror
You hold a flame
After swimming
In butane
Making a path
Of irreparable
Damage amongst
The lives of
Innocent girls

You take your
Hand aflame
And spike down
In rage of abandonment
In rage of torture
In rage of life
And all it's glories
All it's horrors
Bestowed on you
And you alone

Intimate terror
You bear spikes
And holes
Along your heart
And hold girls close
As your spikes
Pierce
Leaving an empty hole
When you are gone

You can't bring back
The life you had or
The life you dreamt
But now you
Stab into the dreams
Around you
Filling yourself up
From the air that
Escapes from others
And you hover above
Feeling mighty
Once again

Intimate terror
You crawl into
Their lives
Blindly bringing
Everyone down
Breaking
Shattering
Everything
So that you
Remain

Build her Bob
Build her up high
So you can tear her
Down

Tumbling bricks
Of legos
Scatter the floor
Her remains
Painting
The white floor

Build her Bob
Build her to tower
So you can blow her
Down

Must she tumble
And fall
When you push
Her so
Rubble crystallized
Reflecting all your
Faults
And it burns
When you see
Everything
Coming back at you

Build her Bob
Build her to shine
So you can see your
Fallen self

I curse like a sailor
And you smile
Take my hand
And we sit and wonder
For a while
About the seven year
Conversation
And what everything
Means

I play up the
Scene in my head
Was that a dream
Or did you really
Kiss my hand

Bumping heads
And I'm a virgin
All over again
So coy
I know we
Aren't just
Toys
But living
Breathing beings
And I'm nervous
Like I've never
Been before

I play up the
Scene in my head
Was that a dream
Or did you really
Kiss my forehead

Sitting wondering
If I have any chance
Of being your friend
Because intoxicated
Or not you
Make me smile
Like a school girl
And I'm praying
This isn't all
In my head

Your hug
Shuddering
From the
Inside out
Made me believe
In innocence
Again

You took
My hand
Kissed it
Then my
Forehead

We spoke
Of the
Seventh year
Wonder
That we broke
In less
Than 24 hours

Coffee
And creepy
Peeper kept
Us moving
Until we
Parted ways
Then sleep
Came
But not
Without the
Thought of you

Now tell me
Am I just
A fool?

Am I listening
Seeing
Believing
Anything
Real

Scorned
Perceptions
And I come
To know
People
By the
Commercials
They let me
View

Channel flipping
My own visions
Flip books
I've made
Won't stop
Flipping
Drowning underneath
The world
I love so much

A real moment
In time passes
And I think
Twice about it
Ignoring all
Other moments
Until I'm awoken
Again

Am I listening
Seeing
Believing
Anything
Real

My disguises
Hold various
Pretenses
Of an
Inner Id
Running away
Cutting through
Threads that
Are sane

And he knows
What I'm
All about

Savaged and
Cunning
Id takes
Everything
Leaving smudges
On the wall
Where I reside
Waking up
Not knowing
The person
I went to
Bed as

And he knows
What I'm
All about

Conversations
Id carries on
And I just
Want to know
If it's what
I want as well
But the pleasure
Of controlling
An outcome
Makes Id
Feel so well

And he knows
What I'm
All about

Id's a monster
The monster
Inside me
Calling attention
To horrible things
And if I have no
One to blame
But myself
Then I say
Blame my Id
He's responsible
For everything

His bounds
Are below
Himself
As he steers
Everyone
Off a cliff

His broken
Bridge
From heart
To mind
Lays crumbled
Beneath him

He drives
Around
Looking for
A similar
Sound he
Once had found

As dust
Picks up
And swirls
Around him
He lures others
With a mocking sound

To drive off
In the distance
Letting go
But weighed down
By his disease
They can't resist

As he believes
His right
Is what he wills
Upon those
Who simply wish
To rid his ills

His bounds
Are below
Himself
As he steers
Everyone
Off a cliff

So let
Us begin
As if I'm
Sane

I go to school
Haven't dropped
Out

I get ok
Grades
And no one
Says a thing

I haven't killed
Anyone or
Myself

Other than that
I'm loosing it

I think about
Dying
About floating
Into nothing

I've become
The worthless
Shit
I've always thought
And still I seek help

So now let us
Say I'm insane

I dream of killing
Myself
Others

Dying in
Accidents
On purpose
Willingly
Unwillingly

Into fire
Of hell
I walk
Knowing I'm not going
Anywhere

And I am
Half and Half
So take that

Like the
Veins that
Feed the blood
Into the
Uterus
The egg
A baby comes
From
And the sperm
That invades
I am your
Daughter

It's because
I'm you
Just like you

I am
You
Worn and
Falling
Into the
Abyss
This world
Has come to
You tried
To teach me
Different
But I found out
The truth

It's because
I'm you
Just like you

How dare you
Knowing
Or not
Try to tell
Me I'm
No good this
Way
Born to your
Faults
I've done my
Best
And still that
Doesn't do

Genes
You couldn't
Erase
I wonder why
You can't
Help me

It's because
I'm you
Just like you

Throwing
Hitting
You believe
It's as easy
As 123 to
Forget
Everything that
Went on
The yelling
The hitting
The pain
I saw

It's because
I'm you
Just like you

And it was you
Who was at fault
I the child
Witnessing
Everything
And now you
Wonder
How I came to be

It's because
I'm you
And you
Hate yourself

Ripping into
His skin

He's knocked
Out
Drugged
Dead to
Reality
And
What's to
Come

Burning
With hot
Heavy
Metal
That singes
All fibers
Of his
Disgusting
Existence

It smells
Like he's
Nothing
Nothing
Anymore
As his fumes
Evaporate into
The air

I wonder
What that
Smell is
And I know
It's his
Demon soul
Burning in
Hell

Hell from
Whence he
Came
And he came
Inside me
When I said no
I froze up
But I said no

Biting his
Ears off
Taking his
Dick and cutting
Into it
Until he wakes
Then continuing
'Till he passes out
I'd burn it in
Acid
Then feed him the
Remains when
He awoke

And I'd
Tell him
Just as much
As I've told
Everyone
I'd tell him
He was wrong
About me
I'm not as
Nice as I seem
To be

Ripping through
A woven sheet
Of despair
Hoping that
Making a tear
Will make
A sound
Somewhere

And if that
Makes me
Sane
Then I'm not

And if that
Makes me
Insane
Then I'm not

Shredding
An impossible
Layer of
Doubt
That blurs
Everything
There's none

And if that
Makes me
A little right
Then I'm not

And if that
Makes me
A little wrong
Than I'm not

Bursting through
A cloud
Of confusion
A haze
To thick
To reason
How it dispels
Into the
Surrounding air

And if that
Makes me
Awake
Then I'm not

And if that
Makes me
Asleep
Then I'm not

Breaking through
That glass wall
Because for so
Long I knew
There was nothing
Behind it
Nothing
As I walk
Away back
Into the world

Big and Wide
You open
Your eyes
And see the
Sunlight
For the
First time

Corneas burning
You wish you
Weren't hurting
From a
Illuminating
Hope you set
Out only to
Be burnt down

The world
Was so lite
Now it just
Seems pointless
To be holding
A candle
Of a flame
So small
To a place
Turned off

Shutting tightly
Your eyes
Close quickly
For the darkness
You create
Is much safer
And comforting

She wants to
Bite into
That red licorice
Of juiced up
Veins
Tearing and shredding
As her blood
So sweetly
Falls
Into her lap
Pooling
Sticky and sweet

She wants to
Take her lungs
And have fun
Blowing bubbles
With them
Filling them
With air
As she's always done
Pink and round
On her mouth

She wants to
Rip out her
Heart
A jaw breaker
Of all jaw breakers
And with her
Sugar teeth
Break at the crack
Left behind
Into powered sugar
Until it
Coats her

She wants to
Pull her brain
Of nougat out
And play
And pull
And just forget
Everything
Intertwined in it
Shoveling the
Sugar coated memories
Down her throat

I want
To disappear
Into the
Nothingness
I fear

I want
To know
It won't
Happen to
Another
I want you
To believe

The horror
The guilt
The pain
The complete
Numbness
Of everything
Being torn
And ripped
Away
Like a blindness
Onset by
Someone who
Blurs your
Vision
To take
Something from
You
And running
Leaving you
Stranded

I want you
To know
And understand
It happens
Whether you
Know the man
Or not

I want to
Break
The silence
Of the nightmare

And I'm running
Running hard
I'm not really
Looking
At anything
As I go
But the ground
Beneath me
Can't catch me
So I must
Beat it
With my feet

Flying in the
Air as I land
On my own
My soul
Burnt with
Exhaustion
Ashes behind
Me now

I'm not
The same girl
Arising from
That sunrise
Of golden
Innocence
But the girl running
Toward
A setting sun
Of a golden ending

Why won't something
Come to me
As I sit here
So happily

I smile
Making no
Steps out
The door

And my phone
Doesn't ring
Anymore
So it must be
Time to move on

Oh wait
But here
You call me
Telling me
You listen
To my words

And I want to
Know
If friends
Can go there
And back
Maybe I'm
Wrong
And maybe
I'm right

I'm happy
Now come to me
Pot of gold
I'm hungry